im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
