I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
