Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
