i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
