Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
