just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
