just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
