Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
