oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
