why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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