Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
bring money and cleavage
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
