I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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