he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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