Your tits are I can't wait for
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
i need some magic done to my vagina
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