Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
