I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
