when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
