Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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