Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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