hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
