i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The chlamydia really affected his face.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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