your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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