This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
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There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
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But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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