Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I CAN MOONWALK!
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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