I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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