you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
