Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
