We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
