508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
barbara walters just said penis...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
is it fun? or sober?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
