Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
