So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
