if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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