fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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