Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
