smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
