it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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