You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Randomize
