so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
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Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
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Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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