ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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