She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
