All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
