im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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