first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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