At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
