apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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