I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
