Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
