I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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