I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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