i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
