everyone is single if you try hard enough
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
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I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
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Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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