I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
