my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
