Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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