put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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