worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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