i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Drake has all the answers
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
