Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
