sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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