For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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