Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
