He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
