I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
