He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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