No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
