Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
