He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The air was thick with penises
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Randomize
