So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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