Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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