tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
