you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
